Pike
by Menelaion
Summary: A life-long TNG fan, I resisted watching ST Discovery... till Pike showed up. I now have the urge to borrow the character for a while and see where he ends up in my little version of the universe. Preferably flirting with Burnham... or maybe Tilly... or Detmer... or Tyler... It's the confident humour that gets me every single time!
1. Chapter 1

Pike walked down Discovery's corridor that little bit taller. Captains' tended to be self-assured and confident; it came with sitting in THAT chair. It came with a life-long career of responsibility and leading a crew into the unknown. It was the crew that became his friends, and turned into his family. He'd never let them down, he'd defend them with his last breath. He knew that about himself.

Still, being called 'the best of Starfleet' had taken his breath away. It had stopped him in his tracks. He'd wanted to diffuse the situation with a joke, dismiss it with the wave of a hand but instead he accepted the compliment. It seems it had achieved the desired effect. The crew of the Discovery had accepted him pretty quickly, considering what they'd all been through… and he was there on a temporary assignment… but at the end of the day, he was only human. He enjoyed seeing the pride in their eyes, the growing trust and belief that their values, the reasons they joined Starfleet were reflected back to them in their Captain. He could accept the compliment on their behalf.

It was a small victory, a small step in the right direction. He missed Enterprise and felt guilty for being away, but Discovery was quickly becoming just as important to him. He'd read up about the crew, as he needed to know what he was letting himself in for… none of the records had prepared him for Saru's unique evolution, Burnham's barely-supressed emotions, Tilly's exuberant attitude or Tyler's effect on them all. This bridge crew was just as skilled as Enterprise's and just as complex.

Detmer was an outstanding pilot and he could see she shared his sense of humour. Her eyes sparkled when presented with a challenge and he could practically hear her thoughts as they formed. She reminded him so much of his early days in Starfleet, though lately he had trouble believing he was ever that young. Somewhere along the line his hair had turned grey… but at least he still had some hair left.

Burnham had saved his life barely a few hours after meeting him. Adrenaline had been pumping but he still heard her voice saying, 'Discovery has you, Captain.' Since then, she had challenged and supported him in equal measure, much like her brother. Yet, he'd been taken by surprise by Tyler's confession of an emotional attachment with Burnham.

Pike had always been good at spotting links between people, picking up on tell-tale signs his officers subconsciously let slip… this one had escaped his notice and he had to fight back a twinge of jealousy. He hadn't had the time to dissect where the jealousy originated but he suspected it was linked to Burnham. The woman had a way of getting under your skin without you even noticing. The crew looked to her as their moral compass; Saru and Tilly seemed to be her closest friends – they brought out her warmth and humanity, and it was beautiful to watch.

He honestly hadn't minded when his private file flashed up for everyone to see on the bridge. He'd seen their files, their secrets (well, the ones Starfleet thought were relevant) and it only seemed fair. Nothing in his past seemed as painful and personal as listening to your parents being murdered or leaving your whole civilisation behind, knowing you couldn't return.

Then there was Tilly: so young, irrepressible and smart. He'd made her laugh; it had been his first small victory. She was like a force of nature; a whirlwind that drew you in, despite the danger you might be swept away. She made him smile and he liked her, pure and simple.

Pike didn't know how to do things by half… when he committed to something, he committed fully… and it was going to hurt to leave this crew, he knew it. But there was still work to be done, he wasn't finished yet. His reflective walk through the ship had led him to engineering and the one person he was most worried about at that particular moment, Stamets.

'Captain…?' Stamets muttered, as he looked up from a screen. It came across as half-question, half-greeting and the pain oozed from every fibre of his being. He had a sad smile on his face as he took in Pike's concerned expression. It was one he'd seen numerous times on his colleagues' faces since Hugh's death. Starfleet had not prepared him for this.


	2. Chapter 2

Stamets was kind and thoughtful; the type of person who cared about others. Now he was in pain, constantly. There was a huge hole in his life: it was a void, where love, laughter, and all hopes for the future had been placed. His future, his love… gone.

The logical part of his brain knew there were stages to grief, to dealing with loss but he was stuck on the heart-breaking realisation he'd never see Hugh again. He couldn't get past it, he couldn't even get angry… he wanted to curl up and cry, while desperately trying to memorise the smell, touch and feel of his husbands' embrace.

Still, he got up in the morning, got dressed and went to work. It wasn't far to go… Discovery wasn't that big after all, but every single space was filled with ghosts, one ghost to be precise, and it reminded him of what he lost without fail.

'Captain…?' Stamets repeated a bit louder, suddenly aware the Captain's expression turned thoughtful, as if debating internally on a course of action.

'I promise you Paul, it gets better.'

The soft words were accompanied by a gentle smile and Pike couldn't help placing his hand on Stamets arm. It was the briefest of touches that offered support and encouragement and for a moment, Paul actually believed him.

'What can I do for you?' Stamets took a step back and Pike did the same. It seemed they had a highly empathic Captain.

'I need to talk about Tilly.'

Pike had an arsenal of tools that helped him deal with grief. The old classic of 'distraction' had stood him in good stead and now was his weapon of choice with Stamets. The gifted astromycologist had a soft spot for Tilly and Pike had no qualms about using it.

He'd lost people he'd cared about, it came with the job description, but he wasn't about to let a fellow officer go down the rabbit hole of despair. He'd been there and he didn't need to see it happen again.

Stamets looked at Pike, puzzled by the turn in the conversation and his eyebrow rose, as if suspending disbelief. It was a look he'd picked up from Burnham; she used it all the time.

Pike responded with a smile that the crew had quickly come to love. Owo had even nicknamed it the 'I have a secret' smile ('IS' for short) and Stamets had to admit it seemed pretty accurate. He suddenly had the feeling the Captain was plotting something and his eyebrow rose a little bit further, waiting for the man to continue talking.

Pike took the cue and went on, 'She's a smart cookie.'

His smile conveyed the warmth and affection he already felt for the Ensign. She reminded him of an enthusiastic border collie you regularly had to let off the leash so it could run around like a maniac. His smiled deepened as he imagined Stamets taking a red-haired dog for a run around Discovery.

'Yes, she is.' Stamets confirmed, now totally bewildered by the Captain's smile. Lorca never smiled. He liked this Captain more, even if he was plotting something.

'You have a good working relationship with her?' Pike lost some of his smile.

'Yes. She's a good kid.'

'I'd like you to become her Mentor.' The request somehow sounded like an order.

'Why?' Stamets didn't normally question orders but there was something more going on and he needed to know.

'She has great potential…' Pike started, 'I don't want her leaving the command track.'

'…and…?' Stamets pushed again. There was little chance Tilly would ever opt to leave the command track…He now had an idea of what the Captain was doing and it showed on his face.

Pike sighed as he read the man's expression and decided to come clean about his intentions. Sometimes honesty, however brutal, was the best policy, '…and I need you engaged with the living…'

'…and not mopping after the dead.' Stamets concluded.


	3. Chapter 3

'That went well...' Pike muttered to himself as he walked to his quarters. His conversation with Stamets had gone better than he expected but worse than he'd hoped... as with most situations involving grief, honesty and kindness were the most important. Honesty, to admit it's not an easy journey and kindness, to make sure they know they are not alone.

He'd succeeded in getting Stamets to agree to his request. Pike really did have a soft spot for the bubbly Ensign and he was concerned with some social aspects of her development. She was so young and so far from home, and while he would've taken her under his wing on the Enterprise, he was not sure how long he'd remain on Discovery. Better to plan for the long-term and there was little chance Stamets would take advantage of the Ensign.

Meanwhile, on another deck of the starship…

Tilly was in awe of Captain Pike. To be precise, she was in awe of his amazing hair. Since the moment he'd blinded her with his wonderful smile, she'd fallen under his spell. Lorca had been a mean bastard who liked to terrorise them with his moods. Pike was like a ray of sunshine that lit up your day, even in the deepest of space.

It was his hair though, that took her admiration to a completely new level. It was perfect, always. Looking at it as a person who struggled to get her curls under control… well, she couldn't help wondering if he woke up looking so well-groomed. Did Captains' have much time to brush their hair within an inch of perfection? If she ran her hand through his hair, would it bounce back into shape?

Tilly imagined what it would feel like to run her hand through his hair and instantly turned red... was she really fantasising about the Captain? She could already see the crew's smirks... and the familiar feeling of mortification... Pike had feigned pain when she moved his pinkie and it had the whole crew buzzing by the time she reached the Mess for supper.

She was certain she'd get a reprimand if she attempted to ruffle his hair... even if it was part of a science experiment. Tilly smiled to herself. Her soldier-crush was most definitely back and it had perfect hair... with streaks of grey.


	4. Chapter 4

Pike looked at his screen, a frown marring his forehead. The report he'd just read didn't inspire him with confidence. Section 31 were the masters of vague and elusive. Those were not qualities you looked for when desperate for news about someone you cared about.

Pike would have felt marginally better if Leland wasn't in charge... or a certain retired Captain wasn't involved. He knew there was more to Georgiou's story than he was filled into and judging from Burnham's reaction, it was a doozy. Whatever had made Michael want to shoot her former Captain had to be worse than what happened with Lorca...

Pike found himself calling his old Number One before he'd thought through all the consequences.

'Number One.' He greeted his friend with a broad smile. Seeing her face had made him instantly feel a bit better. It was like slipping on an old pair of shoes that fit you perfectly. Not that Number One looked anything like an old pair of shoes... far from it.

'What do you need, Captain?' Was her greeting in response; there was no judgment in her tone, just the ever present efficiency. She knew him so well it was scary.

Pike had heard the rumours about him and Number One. It didn't help they felt genuine affection for one another and liked each other's company. Five years in the furthest reaches of space had turned them into parental figures for the Enterprise crew. Mum and Dad never argued in front of the kids but according to the rumours, they did a hell of a lot else in private.

'Good to see you.' His smile lingered till she smiled back at him, 'I need you to pull one of your favours Number One.'

'Of course.' She responded with the vaguest of sighs. Number One really did know her Captain. He was the most genuine and kind person she knew; that's how he got under your skin. She'd seen him charm both young and old with his smile and very few had been able to resist. She missed him, more than she cared to admit, more than she dared to admit. Under all her armour, even she wasn't fully immune.

She clearly remembered the one time they'd danced together during an Enterprise party. He'd spun her around and she'd landed with her back in his chest. To this day she didn't know what had possessed Christopher but he chose that instant to nib her ear with his teeth. It was the most sensual act of foreplay she'd ever experienced and she would have melted further into him if Spock hadn't chosen that moment to summon her to the bridge. She'd practically jumped away from the man instead and she wasn't at all surprised to see his eyes full of mirth. No wonder there had been rumours on the Enterprise. No wonder she'd never danced with him after that. The man was a hazard to her libido...but surprisingly good at contributing to her need to punch bags in the gym.

'What do you need?' She repeated.

'Spock's holiday...' He started and Number One shot him a look that silenced him immediately. She already knew something and it wasn't a conversation they could have over comms. There were bonuses to non-verbal communication.


	5. Chapter 5

Burnham woke up from another nightmare. They were getting more frequent. She suspected that for anyone else they'd be classified as dreams… but the idea of getting intimate… well, it haunted her… and to be dreaming about Tyler, or anyone else for that matter, was a personal nightmare.

She worked so hard to supress her emotions every single day that her mind had obviously taken to working through them while she slept. She was a human with a Vulcan upbringing after all... nature and nurture played equal parts in who she'd become. No wonder she identified with Tyler… his struggle was a familiar one and unlike Lorca, he'd had no memory of who he'd been before they met.

Burnham jumped into the shower in the hopes of clearing her head. She didn't want to think about Lorca and at the same time she couldn't shake the image of Tyler holding her. Their kiss had stirred feelings she hadn't felt since she was a teenager, hormones raging and all. In her dreams, Tyler was always so gentle, as if his Klingon-side didn't exist. Burnham smiled wryly; in her dreams Tyler was human, like her.

As the cold water hit her body, her thoughts turned to their new Captain. He was definitely having an impact on the crew. The Ready Room finally had a table and chairs and the morale on the Bridge was high… people were smiling more… and joking. Even Saru seemed happy.

Burnham liked Pike, it was hard not to. His life and career were laid bare before them on his first day. He was Starfleet through and through. He wasn't Lorca, he wasn't Georgiou…

'Michael!' Tilly's happy voice filtered through the bathroom door. Her roommate was back.

'Out in a sec!' Burnham shouted, hopefully preventing Tilly from barging in. It wouldn't be the first time... the Ensign was enthusiastic and often acted before thinking… a very human trait.

Despite that, Burnham loved sharing a room with Tilly. The young woman's enthusiasm and positive spirit did much to alleviate her thoughts, especially since they'd learnt about the Terran Empire...and all the fun and games that ensued.

Tilly had made light of her 'evil' counterpart, Captain Killy, much to everyone's relief. It had been unnerving for most of them but the contrast between their Tilly and Killy had been extreme.

'I think my soldier crush is back!' Tilly blurted out as soon as Burnham appeared in their room, the silly grin on her face infecting the atmosphere with giddy happiness.

'Do you want me to guess?' Burnham smiled her most indulgent smile. The one reserved for Tilly.

'Yes!' She enthused, quickly followed by, 'No!' as her cheeks started to match her hair colour. Tilly trusted Michael with her secrets but her brain had caught up with social norms and she flopped onto the seat, dropping her face onto the table in defeat. She'd done it again. Blurted things out without thinking it through...at least she hadn't walked in on Burnham in the shower this time.


	6. Chapter 6

Pike sat on the comfiest chair in his quarters to read the encrypted file that had just arrived from Number One. It was a doozy, full of stuff Starfleet didn't want to be general knowledge and stuff Section 31 wanted him to stay away from... whatever he thought had happened... well, he nearly spilt his coffee when a photo of Killy/Tilly popped up. It appeared there was a universe where she could get her hair under control... and it was a place where he was dead.

Pike absorbed the information quickly. Some things made more sense now, conversations and comments he'd overheard. No wonder the spore drive was off the 'to do' list. He wasn't sure how he felt about being dead in another universe but he supposed there was one where he wasn't even born or one where he was off somewhere married with a bunch of kids. Instead, he was married to Starfleet and had a bunch of grown up kids running around in uniform, across two ships.

Pike felt lucky to be where he was. He'd always taken the opportunities that appeared, hoping and planning for the best. Not that he'd always been sensible. You learnt by doing...and he'd done a lot. He was getting to the stage where he'd already seen things happen more than once... the same fresh faced Ensigns, the newly promoted Commanders... there were patterns to people's behaviour. Guess it was human nature... scrap that, it was life. Life always threw a curve-ball when you least expected it… just look at Killy…or even Tilly. The kid had so much potential and so much heart. She would make an outstanding Captain one day.

He watched the stars as they sped past his window. His thoughts turned to home, to Earth, as the monotony of the view struck him. Earth, their beautiful, fragile blue planet… he planned to return to one day. Number One had teased him that he'd become a Preacher, like his father. Pike smiled, as like a lot of things his Number One said, it rang true. His Dad was a compass for him. 'What would Dad think? What would he do?' He asked himself those questions all the time. It was one way to keep the man alive.

'What do I do Dad?' Pike voiced the question. It sounded strange for a grown man to be asking advice from someone who wasn't there. He opened the last file. It was the one he'd really been waiting for…


	7. Chapter 7

'Shared body heat.'

Pike couldn't believe he'd let it come to this. It had been a regular away mission... up to a point... but now they were stuck on an empty, hostile planet, having to resort to basic survival training. Did they even cover that at the Academy these days?

He mentally kicked himself for following the crumbs he found in Number One's file. It had 'proceed with caution' practically stamped all over it. He was so eager to find his friend, he'd put another officer in danger, not just himself.

Pike turned round to face Ensign Tilly, he realised she'd stopped a few paces back. She looked frozen to the spot in fear. He instinctively reached for his phaser and scanned the horizon. There was no movement, but maybe she'd seen something.

'Ensign, report!' Pike hoped the order would snap her out... and he was right.

'Do you want to be the spoon?'

Pike froze, as it slowly dawned on him what Tilly was referring to... his confused expression turned to a gentle smile. He'd made an off-the-cuff comment about how they'd survive the night and it had obviously sent the young Ensign into a panic.

He tried not to take it personally, he'd never take advantage of someone under his command but there was little history to go on between them. If the reports he read about Lorca were anything to go by, Tilly had every reason to be nervous. He wasn't Lorca.

Pike watched Tilly go from panicked to embarrassed in a matter of seconds, as she realised what she'd said. He was saved from an outburst as his communicator beeped into life...for the first time in hours.


	8. Chapter 8

'You said what?!'

Stamets couldn't hide the amusement in his eyes. He would have paid dearly to have seen the Captain's face... but he toned down his merriment when he noticed the Ensign's ashen expression. Tilly could take things a bit too seriously.

'I... I didn't know what else to say... he'd pulled out his phaser...'

Stamets had to turn away from her quickly, desperate not to laugh out loud. It wasn't her fault his mind was in the gutter.

Why was he her mentor again? Oh, yes... reality was like a sobering cold shower. 'Engaged with the living'. He'd gone a whole five minutes without thinking about Hugh. Instead he'd been thinking about the Captain's phaser... and spooning.

'Was it erect?' He muttered under his breath.

'Sorry?' Tilly thankfully hadn't heard him.

'Was it a wreck?' He repeated a bit louder. 'The ruins you went down to investigate?'

'Yes. Another dead end.'

Meanwhile, on another deck...

'Number One, we need to talk about your favours...'

Pike meant to have a serious talk with his senior officer but ever since his escapade with Tilly, he'd been walking into innuendo's.

He massaged his temples in a slow circular motion, wishing away the headache that was lurking. Number One sat there, waiting patiently. It was rare to see the Captain unsettled in this way, his feathers ruffled... she couldn't wait to hear the details.

'There was nothing but ruins on that planet.' Pike started his story, no trace of recrimination in his tone. Number One had done as he asked, he was the one who'd screwed up.

'I took a small away team.' Pike paused, Tilly was rather small. 'Still not sure what happened but we lost contact with Discovery.'

'How petite?' Number One chimed in, earning a sharp look from her Captain. She'd hit point.

'It's not what you think.'

'It never is, Sir.' She emphasised the last word. Poor Christopher, always so proper. He talked about having fun to the crew but did he ever truly relax himself? She knew nothing happened on the away mission... he wouldn't let it... no matter how petite the away team.

Pike couldn't get the image of himself as a spoon out of his head. Nor the terrified look on Tilly's face.

'Am I scary?'

Number One burst out laughing. She loved Pike for so many reasons, for one, he didn't realise the effect he had on most crew members... 'Sorry...' She managed to mumble in-between hiccups. Pike didn't even look offended. That's what you got for trying to get an ego boost from the wrong person.


	9. Chapter 9

Burnham was sufficiently in tune with Tilly to know something was wrong. The Ensign had come back from the away mission quite agitated and then promptly disappeared to Engineering. The Captain also seemed a bit out of sorts and after a quick de-brief had retired to his quarters.

Burnham was sure it wasn't quite 'dangling ganglia' alert-time but something was off... and her curiosity was peeked. She wasn't the only one who noticed as Detmer and Owo exchanged a look. What had Owo called the Captain the other day? Michael promised herself she'd pay more attention to the development of her social skills but gossip was still quite new to her.

There were only a few minutes left till end of shift and she felt a pinch of anticipation at seeing Tilly and finding out what exactly happened on the planet.

Owo caught her eye as she prepared to leave.

'What time are you going for food tonight?' She asked Burnham, while glancing over to Detmer.

Burnham instinctively raised her eyebrow but caught herself and smiled, 'Normal time.' She replied, wondering what the two friends were up to.

'See you there?' Detmer added, hardly able to hide a conspiratorial smile.

Burnham nodded, not quite sure what to make of the situation. She was certain it had something to do with a recent away mission and the curiosity they all felt.

'Tilly?' Burnham was surprised to see the Ensign already in bed. She was reading her copy of 'Alice in Wonderland'.

'Hi.' Tilly looked up, the sadness in her eyes unmistakable.

'What's wrong?' Michael felt a surge of maternal protectiveness so strong it nearly stopped her in her tracks but this was about Tilly, not her.


	10. Chapter 10

Burnham found herself outside the Captains' quarters. What little she'd got out of Tilly had her puzzled and rather than interrogate the young woman further, she'd come to the only other person who'd been there.

Her hand stopped before it could reach the bell, as she heard her name called.

'Burnham!' Stamets smiled at her as he came round the corner. 'Here about Tilly?' He cut to the chase; the man had a way with people...and words, and it was pretty direct.

Burnham nodded, 'She's not talking.' Which to anyone who knew Tilly, meant that something was wrong.

A shadow of guilt passed his face, 'It's probably my fault.' He replied.

'Why?' Burnham was baffled. Stamets wasn't even part of the away mission.

Just then the door opened and Pike nearly bumped into them on his way out.

'Sir!' Both Burnham and Stamets jumped to attention, trying to look like they weren't lurking.

The Captain took in the sight and stifled a sigh. He gestured his officers to follow as he stepped back into his quarters. Seeing Tilly was going have to wait.

'How can I help you?' His expression was serious, as they discreetly took in their surroundings. His quarters were slightly larger than normal but he hadn't had a chance to give them a single personal touch.

'Tilly...' Burnham began.

'... is mortified by her behaviour on the planet.' Stamets jumped in.

'Why?' Pike and Burnham asked at the same time.

Stamets' eyes sparkled, 'She mentioned something about the Captain being a spoon and sharing body heat.' The phaser comment could wait.

Burnham was clearly confused but Stamets wished he could capture the look on Pike's face.

'Captain, you asked me to mentor Tilly.' He continued in the silence. 'But I think you need to speak to her.'

'What do basic survival techniques have to do with spoons?' Burnham asked, as she noticed the Captain's strange expression.

Pike took a deep breath, 'I was just on my way to see Ensign Tilly.' He admitted, 'I frightened her with a comment I made about surviving in the cold.' Seeing Burnham's continued confusion, 'I think she thought I wanted to take advantage of her.'

Stamets and Burnham looked at each other, silently deciding who was going to set the Captain straight.


	11. Chapter 11

Tilly was enjoying the shower. The hot water did wonders for her stress levels and a little moan of pleasure escaped her lips. The sound of the water helped relax her senses as her brain ordered the events of the past day.

Burnham, Stamets and the Captain. Three of the most important people in her life. One was worried about her, the other couldn't stop laughing at her and the third... well, he was just perfect. Perfect smile, perfect hair... Tilly sighed again. The water felt wonderful on her body. The naughty part of her brain could just imagine him joining her in the shower.

Her body tingled at the thought. She just knew his arms would feel safe and strong around her.

'Damn it.' She turned the water to cold. She couldn't afford to indulge this crush. She was an officer in Starfleet, not a teenager unable to control her hormones. Tilly knew she talked too much, she also knew why she talked so much, sometimes blurting out things she shouldn't.

All things considered, it probably wasn't the worst thing she'd ever said to a commanding officer... it wasn't ideal, but the Captain did have a sense of humour.

The sound of the doorbell pierced through the bathroom door. Tilly reluctantly turned off the water and grabbed her bathrobe on the way out. She bet it was Owo and Detmer come to interrogate her on the away mission.

'Come in!' She shouted, as she struggled to wrap all her hair into a towel.

'Ensign?'

Tilly froze as she recognised the Captain's voice. This was not her day. She straightened up and attempted to smile.

'I'll come back later.' The Captain backed out of the room, looking somewhat flustered.

The doors slid close and Tilly felt the belt that was supposed to keep her robe closed, slip to the floor. It seems she'd just given the Captain an eye-full.


	12. Chapter 12

Pike wondered how many Starfleet Captains had ever been in his situation. They faced the unknown every day but he doubted these particular circumstances ever got recorded, unless they were followed by misconduct charges...

Was there a protocol for this? Did he even want to check? Tilly was a unique officer and he somehow suspected many interesting things were going to happen in her vicinity.

He found her funny, warm and attractive but also very young to boot. He could turn into a walking stereotype of an older man falling for a much younger woman... the thought made him pause. He shook his head, trying to dislodge the thoughts that formed but they came too quickly to completely ignore.

The vision of Tilly, beneath him, with her glorious mane of red hair fanned out on the pillow was one that stuck.

Number One had told him he would fall for someone, someday and it would not be a starship but the most unexpected, no - inconvenient, person. Pike didn't know if she was right... yet.

He'd always kept his emotions locked up, looking after the crew, putting their needs first. It's what a good Starfleet Captain did... Tilly brought out his playful side and it seemed the much ignored libido. She was everything good that reminded him about home, she carried a light in her that was utterly irresistible.

It was probably a good thing he'd be going back to the Enterprise soon. Not that he ever ran away from a fight. This was not a fight. This was sense and desire in conflict.

'Captain.' Both Burnham and Stamets were still lurking by his quarters.

Pike did not manage to stifle the groan of frustration he felt.


	13. Chapter 13

Tilly put on her uniform and tied her hair back. She looked at her reflection, taking in all the imperfections her mother had ingrained in her psyche. It was a miracle she could still look at herself and like what she saw... on most days.

So what if she asked the Captain if he wanted to be a spoon, so what if he'd seen her naked. She was still a Starfleet officer, she was meant to be here. She wanted to be here.

The mantra helped. Tilly knew she had a choice: get over it or die of embarrassment. Dying didn't seem like an option really so she'd have to channel her inner Killy and get over it. Hold her head up and just be herself. If her mother had failed to change her... well, she had to be true to herself.

Captain Pike was a kind and caring man. He didn't put them in danger unnecessarily, he listened to their concerns and acted like a proper role model. Tilly knew it was her crush that made it awkward for her to interact with him...and being seen naked. At least she knew not to mention that detail to Stamets when she saw him next.

The doorbell chimed. Tilly nearly jumped.

'Who is it?' She asked, glancing down at her uniform, her heart beating fast. Clothes, check.

'Tilly?' Detmer sounded surprised as the door hadn't opened automatically.

'Come in!' Tilly exhaled, relief sweeping over her. Try as she might, she didn't feel ready to face the Captain just yet.

Meanwhile, on another deck...

Pike dismissed his officers quickly, 'You two need to get some supper. I'll catch up with you later.' He walked past them into his quarters, without extending an invitation to follow.

'What was that?' Stamets looked at Burnham.

'I think,' she replied, 'those were our marching orders.'

'And that's an Earth saying you know?!' Stamets had explained to Burnham what spooning was, much to her amusement. 'Want to do as the Captain ordered?' He asked.


	14. Chapter 14

The Mess was lively and as Tilly came in with Detmer the two were happy to see Owo had saved a table for them.

'I've been holding them off for ages!' Owo joked, pointing to the full tables around them, 'Where's Burnham?'

'I'm not sure.' Tilly realised she actually didn't know where her 'built-in-friend' had got to.

'She said she'll be here usual time, didn't she?' Detmer recalled their conversation on the Bridge. 'Anyway, how was the away mission?' The sparkle in her eyes conveyed the curiosity they all felt.

Tilly was surprised it had taken their pilot so long to ask and she could swear she saw people around them twitch in their seats, eager to hear her response. On the other hand, she could be getting a bit paranoid.

'It was fine.' She said dismissively, knowing the grilling for details would follow.

'What did you talk about?' Owo asked, 'I bet he's got lots of stories.'

Tilly smiled, the Captain did have lots of stories. There was no reason she had to focus on her own behaviour.

By the time Burnham and Stamets got to the Mess, Tilly had nearly finished both her supper and retelling the edited version of the away mission.

'Burnham!' She greeted her roommate across the room, happy for the distraction. 'Where have you been?'

'Talking to Stamets.' Burnham replied, as Stamets smiled at Tilly sheepishly, gauging her reaction. 'Room for two more?'

'Sure.' Detmer borrowed two chairs and they all shuffled round.

Tilly looked at Stamets, holding a tray full of food. 'Do you need a spoon for that?'


	15. Chapter 15

Pike knew he had to speak to Tilly before they went back on duty. Preferably before either of them let things grow out of proportion. He felt the need to apologise, repeatedly.

'Computer, locate Ensign Tilly.'

'Ensign Tilly is in the Mess Hall.'

'Computer, locate Burnham and Stamets.'

'Burnham and Stamets are in the Mess Hall.'

'Is there anyone NOT in the Mess Hall?!'

'Please repeat question.'

'Never mind.' Pike did not want to start a discussion with the computer.

He felt restless, keen to sort things out. At least Stamets was back to socialising... Pike was happy he got that right. It might have been an accident but he'd take the credit with the blame.

'Computer, summon Ensign Tilly to my quarters. Delay that.' Pike realised how that would sound in a full Mess. Captains didn't summon young Ensigns to their quarters. Even if it was to apologise.

'Computer, let me know when Ensign Tilly is back in her quarters.' Great, now he was having the computer spy on his crew. He might as well ask it if everyone was at their assigned stations and correct beds.

He wanted to call Number One but she'd just crucify him. He could practically hear her 'I told you so' booming across the galaxy.

'Damn it!' Maybe Tilly was right to have a shower. Water did calm humans down a lot. The memory of Tilly did not calm him down though... she was a beautiful woman... and he was her Captain. A cold shower. He needed a cold shower.

Pike paused. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt like this. He'd thought of Vina from time to time but this was different. Tilly was in another league and he had to smile. It was nice to feel young again.


	16. Chapter 16

Tilly made her apologies and headed out of the Mess, it had been a long day and she had one more thing she wanted to do. Burnham, Owo and Detmer were joined by Tyler, Rhys and Bryce and Tilly did wonder who was left to take the night shift on the Bridge with Saru.

Stamets hadn't stayed long... just long enough to mouth the word sorry to her and eat his supper. He seemed content to see her chatting away.

Tilly nearly made it to the door before Burnham caught up with her.

'Want me to come with you?'

Tilly shook her head, 'No, I'm good.' She smiled back at the table. Tyler was looking at Burnham in a way Tilly wished someone would look at her. 'Please, stay.' She didn't really want an audience for what she planned to do next. She just hoped the Captain was still awake.

Tilly silently rehearsed her speech as she walked. It sounded reasonable in her head. She rang the bell to the Captains' quarters and stood there, waiting, while nothing happened... or so it felt...

She was about to leave as the door opened. It seemed it was her turn to catch the Captain straight out of the shower... only he had the sense to throw some clothes on before opening the door. His hair was gorgeously messy -Tilly smiled, she had her answer about his hair!

'Tilly.' Pike sounded surprised.

'Can I speak to you, Sir?' She asked, a slight tremor in her voice that she attempted to mask by standing to attention.

'Come in.' He smiled at her, recognising the courage it had taken her to take initiative. She looked adorable and Pike gave himself a mental kick, trying to look serious... but not too serious.

'I'm sorry about earlier.' He got in first, as Tilly looked around, wondering what to do with herself. Her attention snapped back to him as his apology sank in.

'No, it's me who's really sorry, I thought it was Owo at the door and on the planet, I didn't mean to imply anything. You are a wonderful Captain and I really like you, and...' Tilly stopped as she realised she'd gone completely off script and into another tirade, and she'd just told the Captain she really liked him. Great. Why did she even bother. She hung her head, hoping for a wormhole to open at her feet.

Pike crossed the space between them, lifting her head so she'd look at him. 'You have nothing to be sorry about.' He moved his hand to the side of her face making sure she was paying attention. 'Sylvia, you are an amazing woman.'

Tilly remembered to breath, just. She lent into his touch as every cell in her body tingled from the contact. A deep sigh escaped her lips as she felt his thumb cares her cheek. She closed her eyes trying to memorise the moment and so she didn't see Pike lean towards her.

His lips were warm and gentle and her heart did a flip. The kiss was over too quickly. Pike brought his other hand to her face, looking into her eyes, 'I like you too.' He simply said, before kissing her again.

This time Tilly couldn't help but moan, as her body felt like it was being set alight.

Pike was struggling for control. He'd meant to reassure Tilly, not take advantage of her. One kiss could have been forgiven, the second would need an apology... the third, well, it merged into the second.

He managed to pull away.

'Wow.' Tilly sighed.

'Wow indeed.' Pike replied, taking in her satisfied grin. He had not planned that.


	17. Chapter 17

The air felt saturated with moisture. If the temperatures rose, they'd be walking through steam. Instead it was cool and damp, and after months on board a starship, it felt fresh.

Tyler had a vague memory of a place similar to this... of stalking prey, hunting, killing... it was a memory, it wasn't his... yet he'd done it. He looked back at Burnham, she seemed at peace, happy. He wanted to get to that head space, where his past didn't haunt every single moment.

He'd called her 'his tether' but she was much more than that...somewhere along the line he'd fallen in love with her and she was the main reason he kept on fighting.

'Nearly there,' he spoke, resisting the urge to stop and kiss her. Moments alone were precious when on board Discovery and here they were on a seemingly empty planet, on another goose chase.

The Captain had sent them this time, rather than go himself. Tyler wondered how much of it had to do with the mission itself and how much with what happened on the last one... There was some aspects of living in close quarters that were amusing... and some that seriously impinged on privacy... and intimacy.

He stoped suddenly and Burnham walked into his back, 'Ouch!' Her nose hit his body armour. The impact wasn't enough to upset his balance but a small trickle of blood appeared down Burnham's face.

'Sorry!' He turned to see the damage and automatically lifted his hand to clean her face. His fingers were gentle and lingered, sweeping across her lips.

Burnham looked up at him, her eyes large, beautiful. Tyler dropped his hand and took a step back trying to avoid temptation, which was a mistake. He started to fall down the edge, he'd tried to avoid a second ago.

Burnham reached for him and only just managed to pull him back, the force of her movement sending them flying backwards onto the grass. Tyler landed on top of her. 'Sorry.' He repeated, inches away from her face. He looked anything but sorry.

'Think this is what happened to Tilly and the Captain?' He tried to lighten the mood as he rolled off her.

'Probably not.' Burnham smiled at him. 'Their planet was a desert.'

She sat up, looking beyond the gorge they'd nearly fallen into. Did she just see a reflected light?


	18. Chapter 18

Tilly sat in the Mess, eating breakfast. It was still quiet, as the next shift wasn't due to start for a couple of hours. She couldn't sleep and with Burnham away, quarters felt empty. She was fed up with her thoughts going round in circles and needed a distraction. Not that sitting alone in the Mess was helping. The coffee helped a bit.

The Captain had apologised, repeatedly. He didn't mean to take advantage of her. Tilly knew he was a honourable man and she never thought he did...but she'd also never felt like this before and it was starting to hurt. Falling for someone that bit older and in charge of you... well, it never ended well... not that she'd heard of anyway.

She'd been a willing participant, not a victim. It had felt exciting, not wrong. She liked him, he liked her. No wonder her head hurt. She was going round in circles.

What did she want? What was possible? Burnham was in love with Ash... a Klingon in a grafted human body... what was a difference in rank compared to that... right. This was Starfleet. She wanted to command her own ship one day... she hadn't even thought about kids and a family.

Discovery was her family, closer than her blood relations as bonded through adversity and danger. They had her back in a way her own mother had never supported her.

Tilly smiled to herself. She was stronger than she gave herself credit for... she knew what was right and wrong. Loving someone as wonderful as the Captain wasn't wrong. 'Just keep telling yourself that.' She murmured, trying to reconcile her feelings and desires with the sensible part of her brain.

'What are you telling yourself?'

Tilly jumped at Stamets' question. She hadn't heard him come in.

'Nothing.' She dismissed the words, looking somewhat guilt-stricken. She'd been avoiding him since their chat and now felt she had even more to hide... which did not agree with her disposition.

An idea struck her, was that why Pike was apologising? He knew keeping whatever happened between them quiet would be impossible for her and she'd be the one dealing with the consequences?

Tilly looked at Stamets and knew she couldn't tell him what was going on in her head. She wasn't afraid of his humour, it was good to see it again. She just didn't know what to say. Somehow, 'Captain Pike is a very good kisser and likes me,' didn't sound very professional nor did the fact she didn't know what to do next.

Did she have to do anything? It's not as if they were dating or heading into a relationship. It was a kiss...or two.

She smiled, her mind finally made up and a course of action chosen.


	19. Chapter 19

Stamets sat there watching a whole gamete of emotions cross Tilly's face. It was amazing to witness her internal dialogue without a single word being spoken. The Ensign had such warmth and humanity in her spirit, she could teach him a thing or two...

He did wonder though what exactly was going on with her... it was obvious she liked the Captain. There were few crew members who didn't...actually, he'd yet to meet one who didn't want Pike to stay. His own reaction to her story about the away mission hadn't been very professional but she was just too cute. Tilly would speak first and think later... most days... just not today. It seemed she was talking to herself...rather than him... and it bothered him. Really.

'Tilly, you can talk to me.' Stamets offered, catching the determined look that suddenly appeared on the Ensigns' face.

'I know.' She replied, 'Do you want some more coffee?' She stood up to get another cup.

'Sure.' He had to smile back. 'When is Burnham due back?'

'I think her next check-in is in an hour.'

'Where are you today?' Stamets kept up with the questions.

'Got a leave day,' Tilly explained, 'Post away mission - protocol.'

'So I'll see you in engineering by lunchtime?' He teased her, there wasn't a great deal to do on leave days... unless you were near a habitable planet or space station. That's why they all tried to save them up...as much as possible.

'I've got a few things I need to do.' Tilly replied, 'But I'll try and swing by.'

Last time she'd left the Mess with just one more thing to do she'd ended up locking lips with Pike... she sighed, it was a nice memory.

Stamets went in for the last question, 'Did the Captain speak to you last night?'

Tilly froze, had she just mumbled something? The only thing that came out of her mouth in response now was, '...eurgh...?'

'He said he was planning to come and apologise for scaring you on the away mission...' Stamets honestly couldn't keep the twinkle out of his eye. He tried but failed.

'When did you speak to him?' Tilly's brain was trying to work out the timeline...

'Before we came down to the Mess with Burnham.'

So that would have been after the shower incident but before her visit... right. She was turning into a paranoid officer. 'Why was Burnham there...?'

'Like me, she was worried about you.' He took a deep breath before continuing, 'Tilly, we love you dearly and you were upset. My behaviour didn't help, so we turned to the Captain.'

Tilly wished she could turn to him now.


	20. Chapter 20

Pike sat in the Ready Room going through reports. His heart was not in it this morning and his thoughts kept wandering. He must have read the same line three times already and still he couldn't remember what it said.

He stood up and paced across the room. He knew what the problem was...he'd been so wrapped up in being a Captain that he'd nearly forgotten what it meant to be just him. He'd had a stark reminder last night but true to form, he reverted to the comfortable shield of command and hurt someone in the process.

He'd been putting everyone's needs ahead of his own, making sure they were growing and developing as officers and individuals. He rarely thought about what he wanted, what made him happy. Normally being a Captain made him very happy, as that was the job he'd chosen and dedicated himself to... it was a vocation. So much like his father... Pike smiled at the thought.

Still, at the moment, it wasn't enough and he'd seen the disappointment in Tilly's eyes when he apologised. He was disappointed too... and he had only himself to blame.

'Computer, locate Ensign Tilly.'

'Ensign Tilly is in her quarters.'

He didn't move. Despite all the soul-searching he still didn't know what the best course of action would be in this situation. Maybe a solution would come to him if he walked...

Meanwhile on another deck...

Tilly was keeping herself busy, tidying and straightening everything in her quarters. Burnham had so few possessions on show that it felt more like a room with twin beds than two roommates.

The beep at the door caught her in the middle of folding away laundry. She put the pants into the draw before prompting the door, 'Come in!' She was glad she'd learnt from past mistakes as there stood Captain Pike with the sweetest smile she'd ever seen.

'Tilly,' he hesitated for a second but walked in far enough for the door to close behind him.

'Captain.' Tilly stood to attention, trying desperately not to blush. The mere thought caused the colour in her cheeks to rise. Or maybe the temperature controls had started to malfunction as it suddenly felt really hot.

'Tilly...' Pike started, half expecting her to jump in with her usual exuberant chatter. She just seemed to stand taller, her eyes focusing on a point behind him. She kept silent. 'I'm sorry...' he faltered as her eyes re-focused on him. 'I'm... we need to talk.'

'Sir,' She half-smiled, proud of herself for not blubbering incoherently. She'd been silently repeating 'I'm a Starfleet Officer. I'm a Starfleet Officer,' in her head, since the doors closed.

'You don't have to stand to attention Sylvia.' Pike sighed, moving towards her. He couldn't read her mood.

'Sir,' she repeated, slouching her shoulders slightly, the mantra continuing in her head.

Pike stopped a few feet before her, within arms' reach. He didn't know what to expect but this wasn't what he'd thought he'd find; it was like looking at Number One. He didn't like it.

'Tilly,' he started again, deciding honesty had stood him in good stead over the years, 'I've been in Starfleet for longer than you've been alive.'

'Yes, Sir.' She didn't flinch, she was a Starfleet Officer.

'I don't want to hurt you.'

'Yes, Sir.' Tilly couldn't look at him.

'Sylvia,' he tried again, attempting to get any other response but 'yes, Sir' out of her. 'What do you want?'

'Sir?'

He gently nudged her chin so she'd look up at him, 'What do you want?' He repeated quietly.

'I am a Starfleet Officer.'

'Yes,' Pike smiled sadly, 'but what do you want at the end of the day?'

Tilly stopped her mantra. It was a question she'd been asking herself without a clear answer and now Pike was so close, her body had different ideas.

'What do you want?' She replied, throwing in 'Sir?' As an afterthought, while her gaze focused on his lips.

'I'd like you to stop calling me Sir.' His lips curled into an amazing smile.

Tilly looked up to see his eyes full of warmth and sighed, 'I don't know.'

'Honestly, this is not what I thought it would be like.' She continued, 'I thought I'd fall in love at some point, but not now.' Her hand flew to her mouth but it was too late. The words were out there.

Pike chuckled, he had Tilly back.

She shot him a hurt look, 'I take it back.' The pout was real.

'Too late.' Pike stepped up, closing the gap between them. Her eyes were open so this time she saw him lean in towards her. The kiss was gentle, barely a caress, seeking permission. Tilly put her hand on his chest and felt his heart thudding away, it was the same fast rhythm her heart was beating.

'I know how you feel.' Pike whispered, his hand stroking her gorgeous locks away from her face. He cupped the back of her head and deepened the kiss.

His communicator beeped. Repeatedly. He reluctantly answered, 'Yes?'

'Captain?' It was Burnham.

'Yes?' Pike was distracted by Tilly's lips.

'We found him.' Burnham said, 'We've found Spock.'


End file.
